Love is a funny thing. Most of us find it where we go the most: school and work. However, the very nature of those places makes love more complicated. Rules, friendships and rumors; life in a professional setting can seem a lot like high school when it comes to dating. Beyond that, sometimes it’s nice to just avoid the drama of coming out and saying you are in a relationship with someone new for a while.

So, how do you keep it on the down-low? How do you maintain a relationship while keeping everyone around you in the dark? It’s actually not that hard, once you learn to recognize the signs that two people are dating. Private jokes are a big flag. The more intimate our relationships are with someone, the more experiences we share and the more we find we can communicate without words. This inevitably leads to in-jokes and finding strange things funny.

If someone says something, and only two people find it funny, they are probably friends. If that happens all the time, they are probably very close friends, related or sleeping together.

The next indicator is proximity and public displays of affection. More hugging and touching and less personal space are all indicators of affection. Couples tend to sit together, meet one another’s eyes often, share secret smiles, etc.

The key to keeping a relationship secret is to be careful not to exhibit any of these signs. If nobody sees any signs of affection between you, saying, “We just hung out for a few hours,” becomes a lot more believable. Lying, no matter how small, should be avoided if possible. The closer you stick to the truth, the easier it is to remember your story and the harder it is to disprove. If you do lie, make sure you both know and agree to the lie, just in case it comes up later.

Most people understand all this. Most people who unsuccessfully try to keep a relationship on the down-low fail because it’s fun to play the game. It’s fun to see how much you can get away with before someone connects the dots. This is fine; relationships are about having fun. However, make sure you are both on the same page. If you play that game, you will eventually get caught, and you will eventually be outed. Make sure everyone in the relationship is okay with the possibility of that happening.

Love is hard enough; keeping it secret is doubly so. If you can live with the consequences of a public affair, go public as soon as you are comfortable. Lies kill relationships, and sometimes those lies are the ones we tell people not even in the relationship with us. Of course, if it’s just a game, then have fun. That is, after all, the whole point.