Making a relationship work is all about finding the middle ground.There are lots of examples of this, but let’s take a big one: dealing with exes.

A number of us are still friends with those we have been romantically involved with in the past, while others find this impossible. Many of us find the idea of still being involved, even casually, with our exes to be disturbing.

This is where the art of compromise finds its place. First, talk about things. Don’t make demands; just talk about what you want, what is bothering you, and what you’d be willing to do to make your current partner happy. Relationships fail when they demand more from a person than they are willing to give, so think about what the minimum is that you need to be comfortable. Emotions by definition aren’t rational. So if something bothers you, let your partner know. Discuss it, and perhaps the reasons behind the emotion will become clear. Often, this is a way to discover parts of yourself that you may not like, and may want to fix. But just because you are imperfect does not mean that your emotions should be ignored.

Find some compromise that you can both live with. If you are both willing to go out of your way to make your partner happy, it’s a sign that the relationship is healthy and important to everyone involved. However, minimalist solutions are always the best. The simplest way to put everyone at ease is usually also the one that produces the least resentment in the long run and creates the most stable relationship.

For example, if one partner has problems with their girlfriend staying friends with her exes, then perhaps a simple, temporary solution would be for her to promise to not be alone with any of them. This is a simple solution, easy to follow, and allows her to continue being friends with them while at the same time putting his mind at ease. Eventually, he will heal and grow to trust her more, and it will become less of a big deal.

This is only one example. A small amount of thought will produce dozens of others, but the formula is always the same: find the core of the issue, find some easy compromise that makes everyone happy, and go from there.

Good luck, Madison College.