Speaking as a woman, catcalling from strange men is something that happens to me on a fairly regular basis. I’ve been spending a lot of time on State Street lately, seeing as to how I have class at the downtown campus. Just this past week, I was walking to the parking ramp on Carroll Street when a man biked past me and yelled, “You know I want a piece of that!”

I shrugged it off and kept walking, figuring he had said what he had to say.

Much to my surprise, he found a driveway to turn around in and started biking back towards me. I was already put off by his demeaning “compliment” which “bothered” me from my body by referring to a part of my anatomy separately from the rest of me, and now on top of that I was nervous as to what his intentions were by coming back to me. This man was quite a bit larger than me, and though I like to believe that people are essentially good, I couldn’t help but start planning what I would do if he came at me physically.

To make a long story short, he walked next to me to the end of the block, explaining why he said what he said, again by objectifying me and referring to my body as “that,” requested my phone number, and departed peaceably when I declined. That was the first time that something like that had happened, where someone had actually done more than just make a comment in passing, and I don’t know if he wanted me to feel flattered, but I was just uncomfortable and a little bit scared.

Catcalling isn’t exclusive to any part of the country, as far as I can tell. In the past year, I lived in New Jersey for two months, and their form of catcalling seemed to be honking their horn as you walk down the street. That one really got to me. I don’t know what I’m supposed to get from someone honking their horn at me as I walk on the sidewalk, but it certainly doesn’t make me feel flattered or complimented, just startled and annoyed.

Some may say that because no one has ever gone farther than verbal comments or car honking or gestures that it’s not so bad and that I should be complimented when someone feels so compelled by how I look that they need to call out, but I don’t. I don’t know of any people that do. Catcalling by anyone to anyone is devaluing.

Madison is a relatively safe city, but responding in any way to those doing the catcalling can be a tricky line to walk. If it happens that you respond in a negative way and snap like it sometimes makes me want to do, it is not unheard of in this country for things to escalate to violence. I am not trying to say that everyone should walk around in a constant state of defensive paranoia for fear of strangers. Most people are quite kind and decent, but the fact that there is the possibility of catcalling or, in the worst case, assault and more is enough for some people to feel uncomfortable when they are trying merely to get from point A to point B, and that just sucks.

Again in this past week, I was walking down State Street on my way to my car when someone that I didn’t know decided to remark on my appearance, but this time the man just said, “That’s a cute jacket,” and left it at that. I thanked him and kept walking. I didn’t feel uncomfortable or objectified, just pleased that he seemed to like my favorite jacket as much as I do. Normally my default reaction to catcalling is not to react, but since this man happened to find something positive to say about my appearance that wasn’t offensive or demeaning, I treated him with the same respect he treated me.

Basically, catcalling is intrusive, rude, demeaning, and often comes off as threatening or predatory. Don’t do it. It doesn’t matter how you identify on the gender spectrum. If you happen to be walking somewhere and see someone that you feel you absolutely must say something to, approach them calmly, don’t get in their personal space, and give them a respectful compliment like, “Great hair!” or “Sweet shoes!” If they seem like they’re not into it, back off and go on with your day. No one deserves to feel uncomfortable just walking around in public, no matter how they look or what they are wearing.