“What do we want, Santas?”

“Beer!”

“When do we want it?”

“Now!”

This was the battle cry of a legion of hammered Clauses on Dec. 1 at Santacon 2012.

No, it is not the Santa Speedo Run – also on the same day – I would have liked to go to that too, but I’ll wait to freeze my jingle bells off for the Polar Plunge. Tonight, I’m at the perennial watering event of your naughty-and-nice North Polesters.

To properly write about drunk Santas, one must first become a drunk Santa. So I adorned a hideous Ragstock sweater, and was off to get sleighed.

Picture a swarm of North Pole freaks making merry on State Street. Squads of genderless Santa Clauses burst their costumes at the seams, debauchedly dancing the Rumba through the Overture Center. One diehard mounted the Forward statue and called “On Donner, On Dasher.” There was a whimsical spirit of giving, albeit giving more shots.

This is the time of year for making lists, so here’s a few costume highlights:

IPP – The Insane Penguin Posse, Gimp-suit Santa, Raggety Anne in a stocking, Mick Jagger Santa, Bono Santa, Arctic Ocean Pirates, the Mischievious Elven Midwives, Baywatch Mrs. Claus, plenty of I-don’t-know-how-the-hell-you-wrapped-a-full-line-of-treelights-around-your-torso-and-aren’t-burning-this-very-moment people, and scores of full-getup velveteen traditionalists.

This event appropriately kicked off the season. It went pretty well considering there were no reports of anyone getting beat over the head with giant candy canes.

The only thing that could dampen spirits now is a new Tim Allen Christmas movie.